The Day My Son Thought I Was Just Visiting Home: Confessions of a Guilty Mom
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My children have it really good when it comes to time with mommy and daddy.
Daddy's been the full-time caregiver since the big one was born, more than seven years ago. I worked outside the home until being laid off from my newspaper job in December 2008, and then began working from home as a full-time, freelance consultant.
Even when I joined a firm, I continued to work from home. Though my hours no longer are as flexible as they once were, and I can't take time off in the middle of a school holiday to play Super Mario Brothers with the boys, I'm usually around.
But I do go to conferences — some in New York City, a short train ride away, and others where I'm gone from home for several days at a time. I always feel vaguely guilty when I go away for a few days, but they have Daddy and Grandma often spends extra time at our house then, too.
So after three days of the Blog World Expo in Manhattan last week, I decided to skip the evening networking parties and go home after the show closed. I got there just as the boys were brushing their teeth to go to bed.
Oh, the excitement. The joy.
There's nothing quite so awesome as when the boys come running to say hi to mommy, excited beyond all reason to see her.
I read them a story, they went to bed and the next day was a normal workday from home.
When my husband picked up the little one from his pre-kindergarten class, however, the teacher pulled him aside.
"Markus said, 'Mommy visited last night!'" she told my husband. Now, she wasn't concerned, because she's used to my odd schedule and knows I'm often at conferences and the like. She found it more funny than anything else.
But, talk about a knife in my heart! The guilt from having spent the extra hours in the city two nights in a row washed over me.
Should I have skipped the networking opportunities and headed right home after the conference sessions ended? A great deal of the success I've had is tied directly to my making the rounds and getting to know people in a semi-casual setting. I know it's important that I attend things like this when I'm able.
And I feel like I'm getting old; there's only so much enjoyment I get out of a loud party anymore. I'll be 42 this month and I'm about ready to tell the kids to get off my lawn and turn the music down.
So: Was my guilt justified? Should I have gone back home? I've been at Internet Week events all this week, getting home after bedtime every night so far and have this incredible pull to get home early tonight. Of course, part of that is the fact that we're in a heat wave (did I mention it's not even officially summer yet?) and part of that is that pesky crotchety old lady struggling to get out.
But a big part is the boys.
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