5 Steps to Overcome Envy
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Photo: r.modys/Creative Commons
I recently spent a few days in Malibu, a place where you can't tell the celebrities from the extraordinarily rich and where the playground is littered with more designer labels than children. While the natural scenery was beautiful - it's no wonder the privileged make their homes here between the Pacific Ocean and the rugged canyons - the air of luxury quickly overwhelmed me.
Julie Douglas posted last week about the physical and emotional tolls of envy; I think I experienced every symptom when my family and I wandered through a popular Malibu market. Our beat up Chevy Trailblazer was parked next to a Porsche station wagon, and I mentally chided myself for having not yet replaced the front grill that a deer busted months ago. I silently sucked in my stomach and cursed my shortish hair as a parade of lanky blondes with waist-length, perfectly-dirty hair passed through the park. I wondered how much a wardrobe filled with Louis Vuitton handbags, Chanel sunglasses, Burberry socks, and Gucci flip flops must cost - and I wished I would have at least sprung for the North Face pants instead of the REI brand.
Yes, I struggled with feelings of inadequacy when surrounded by the people the Joneses wished they could be. And then I took a deep breath, adjusted my attitude, and regained my composure and my perspective so that I could enjoy the rest of my time in gorgeous Southern California. Here's how I made my escape from the grips of envy.
1. Step away from the places that scream "you need more!"
Photo: Britt Reints
As a rule, I don't spend a lot of time in malls or shopping centers because these are places that are specifically designed for consumption. The spaces were created to make you crave more than what you already have. While I used to spend quite a bit of my free time strolling through the mall, I've come to realize that breaking the consumer cycle means physically stepping out of the consuming machine.
My family and I had gone to Malibu Country Market to see if we could spot some celebrities, but I soon realized that an upscale shopping plaza was not the best place for us to enjoy the California sunshine. We ditched the possibility of playing paparazzi and headed to a nearby hiking trail.
2. Get back to nature.
Photo: Britt Reints
The hiking trails were a perfect balm for my bruised ego because we are all equal in the eyes of Mother Nature. I know it sounds cheesy, but a sweeping view of hills waiting to be climbed helps me put the superficial differences among humans in perspective. Appreciation of beauty is free and requires only time and an open heart - and possibly willingness to huff and puff for a few minutes as you make your way to a higher vantage point.
3. Accomplish something.
Photo: Leonardo Pallotta/Creative Commons
I'm not a big fan of traditional exercise, but I've fallen in love with outdoor activities like hiking because it gives me a sense of having accomplished more than burning a certain amount of calories. I can make my way to the top of a hill, look down at the canyon below me, and say, "I conquered that! I did this!" Achieving even a small goal helps me stop comparing myself and my possessions (or lack thereof) to others around me; I'm too busy celebrating what I just accomplished!
4. Spend time with family or friends.
Photo: Britt Reints
While I was technically spending time with my family in the land of the beautiful people, celeb scouting didn't really allow me to focus on my husband or kids. Getting on the ground and playing with my kids or sitting face to face with my husband for a long chat instantly puts everything in the world in its proper place. It's impossible not to feel grateful, happy, and successful when you're laughing and engaged with the people you love.
5. Be still.
Photo: Minoru Nitta/Creative Commons
In my experience, people tend to respond frantically to feelings of envy, either in thought or deed. We power shop or rattle off a list of all the things that are probably wrong in the Jones' secret lives. It's as if we're afraid to let our real emotions catch up to us and swallow us whole.
For me, I found peace at the end of the day when I sat still on a picnic table and watched the sunset over the ocean. I thought about the gorgeous people I'd seen and the seemingly effortless fashion I'd admired earlier in the day. I acknowledged that I'd felt inadequate in the face of so much perfection. I sat with those doubts for a bit, and then I remembered that in the long-term, fashion and image aren't priorities in my own life. In that moment of calm, I was able to make my own choices about how I would spend my money and my time, without the pressure of envy. I was no longer inadequate or jealous; I was content.
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