Why I'm Glad I Had Kids
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Recently, a man wrote into columnist Patula Dvorak at the Washington Post and posed the question "What is the point of having kids if your life ends when theirs begins?" This gentleman is in a serious relationship which he said will likely lead to marriage but is terrified of becoming a parent. My initial reaction to this question is why anyone would think that? In fact, just yesterday I found myself contemplating the importance of accepting that some people just don't want to have children and that's ok. I can't say that I don't occasionally look at my friends without children and long for their lifestyle. I remember when we used to eat out, didn't have to find the ever elusive sitter on New Year's Eve, and could pick up at the drop of a hat and head to the city for the weekend. Those days are certainly long gone, but as much as I enjoyed them, I would never trade my kids to have that back. I understand that some people choose not to have children for a variety of reasons, but I would highly discourage anyone to make their decision out of a place of fear because parenting is also one of the most amazing things humans experience.
1. The Most Intense Love- No matter how much you love your spouse or partner or how much you love your family and friends, there is no love that compares to that of a parent and child. Not only are you the child's protector, teacher, and greatest advocate, but there are few moments in life that are more enjoyable than holding your baby or snuggling with your toddler or having your child squeeze their arms as tight as they can around you. It never, ever gets old. I would also beg to argue that you will feel even more love and appreciation for your spouse once you witness them as a parent.
2. Self-Realization- Had I not had children, there are so many things that I would not have learned about myself. It is true that children push us to our ultimate limits both physically (particularly for mothers) and emotionally, but I know myself better now than I think I ever would have if I hadn't had children. Sometimes it's hard to realize your faults (my lack of patience), but it's also re-affirming to see your strengths come through and by having a better sense of my strengths and weaknesses; I'm able to try to work on them both.
3. Extreme Joy- For each and every moment of stress, sleepless night, feeling of being overwhelmed, and penny spent, there is a moment of pride, joy, fun, and amazement at these little beings that we raise from the moment they are born. It is an enormous pleasure to watch your children as they learn to smile, crawl, walk, count, color, read, and develop into productive members of society.
There is no doubt that if you decide to have children, it will be the hardest thing that you ever do in your life, but it will also be the most rewarding thing you ever do. And it is scary. There is no fear like that of seeing your child extremely ill or in danger, but I can't think of anything that brings me greater joy either. While a day doesn't go by when we don't face a challenge as a parent, a day also doesn't go by when my kids don't bring a giant smile to my face. My life did not end when my children's began. Rather it changed and evolved into a more enriched and more fulfilled life than I had before they were born.
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