3 Ridiculous Exercise Moves Moms of Toddlers Perform to Save Their Child's Life
Photo: Katie Morton
Moms of toddlers are a fit group of neurotics with lightening fast reflexes. They don’t get this way by sitting on the couch and eating bonbons of course, as much as they often downplay their physical prowess and frayed nerves.
Here are 3 favorite moves toddler-mommies use to stay in tip-top shape so they can keep chasing those bundles of joy as they tear through the house!
1.Release the Hounds
Why bother ruining your walls with a pesky baby gate when you can crawl up and down the stairs after your little one a bajillionty times a day?
Did you know that 90% of a toddler’s weight is in his head? This makes stairs extra precarious, because that head can easily tip a child off balance. Seriously, who doesn’t love hovering behind their adorable loin fruit as they practice playing on the stairs for hours on end and destroying your nerves in the process.
Here’s the move I call Release the Hounds. As you drop your weary head to the step in front of you, extend one leg out behind you. Reach, reach, reach with those toes as you squeeze those buns together. You’ll have J.Lo’s heiney in no time.
2. Electric Lunge
This move is inspired by those delightful outlet holes. Whose bright idea was it to make outlets look like two surprised little faces stacked on top of one another? “Brilliant design!” is what a mom of a toddler would tell you.
Outlets inspire curiosity in toddlers, which is a lifelong quality we like to encourage in kids -- key word being lifelong. So when your loved one reaches his precious little hand towards that outlet hole, you don’t even have time to wonder, “Who the heck removed the outlet cover??!!” Wouldn’t you like to know.
You should be glad you get to practice the Electric Lunge to keep those thighs sleek and toned. During this move, the look on your face matches the “faces” on the outlet – you look quite shocked (pun intended) as you lunge and pull your cutey to safety.
3. Round-the-Bed Sprint
I had the sheer pleasure of performing this move recently. When a toddler is placed on a bed, she will often scoot immediately out of your reach towards the far side of the bed, where you are certain she will fall and suffer a severe case of noggin bumping. All she knows is that when she moves quickly away from you on a high surface, you freak out. She likes that.
Lace up your running shoes and get ready to burn off some flab as you race around the bed to stop your toddler from self-murdering. This one gives your nerves the best workout if there are obstacles in your way, so make sure there are plenty of items to crash into on your way around the bed.
If you’re lucky, you'll wind up with a lovely purple bruise so that you can teach your child about shapes and colors in the aftermath of your sprint.
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