Top 7 OMG Parenting Moments of 2011

Family Matters on 12.20.11
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Photo: Jason Taellious / Creative Commons

We can all be hard on ourselves as parents, wondering how we can do better, beating ourselves up each time we aren’t a picture of level-headed grace.

While we feel terrible for the children of these buffoons, something good has to come of this. Please take comfort in knowing that you probably didn’t pull any of these boneheaded parenting moves.

1. Mom Gives Daughter Boob Job Voucher for Her 7th Birthday

Photo: Ed Schipul / Creative Commons

Sarah Burge, a 50-year-old mother who has had $1 million worth of plastic surgery, gave her daughter an IOU voucher to be redeemed for breast implants after her 16th birthday. If her daughter is successful at growing her own big boobies, then she can have another body part of her choosing surgically enhanced.

Aside from the risks involved with surgery, we're alarmed at what Burge is teaching her daughter about how she should feel about her body if she needs to go under the knife. Little girls have a hard enough time learning these days that her value isn't tied to her appearance without being fed messages like this.

2. The Botox Mom

Photo: Steven Depolo / Creative Commons

Sheena Upton (a.k.a. Kerry Campbell) claimed that she gave her 8-year-old daughter Botox injections to prevent wrinkles from forming, in a supposed effort to make her daughter a child star. (Since children don't have wrinkles, whether they are Botoxed or not, her reasoning doesn't add up.)

After Upton started making the rounds on the media circuit as the Botox mom, all of the attention backfired when her daughter was removed from her custody. Upton abruptly changed course and said she'd made up the story to get paid for media appearances. Did she or didn't she? Either way, she's a crappy parent.

3. Dad Pleads Guilty to Tattooing 3-Year-Old While Drunk

Photo: Nina Hale / Creative Commons

A Georgia father was sentenced to probation and fined $300 after pleading guilty to giving his 3-year-old son a shoulder tattoo, the letters "DB" -- for "Daddy's Boy" -- while drunk. I guess you'd have to be drunk to think that was a good idea.

The boy's mother, also a winner, tried to hide the real tattoo with the use of fake tattoos. According to ABC News, Amy Ashley lost custody of the child as a result of her drug addiction. The child's uncle, George Hawkins, gained custody of the child.

4. Couple Sells Three Kids for $9,700 to Fund Online Gaming Addiction

Photo: Patrick Hoesly / Creative Commons

A couple in China sold their children to support their internet gaming addiction. Wait, it gets even more interesting. They had children with the intent of selling them for income.

I'm also offended that their second-born, a girl, only fetched $500, while their two boys each went for $4,600. The couple, Li Lin and Li Juane, was arrested when Li Lin's mother reported them. Thankfully, somebody in that family has a conscience.

5. Woman Accused of Trying to Sell Her Baby at Taco Bell

Photo: bigcityal / Creative Commons

Another baby seller was on the loose. 36-year-old mom Heidi Lynn Knowles tried to auction off her 3-day-old son to customers at a Taco Bell. She was accepting bids from $500 to $5,000. Have you ever eaten at Taco Bell with $500 in your pocket? She should have gone to Ruth's Chris.

Clark County, Wash. 911 dispatchers received a call from a woman claiming the mother "approached her in the restaurant, handed her the baby, and offered to sell him." Deputies put the baby into Child Protective Services custody.

6. Anti-Vaccine Parents Give Kids Diseased Candy From Strangers

Photo: egenerica / Creative Commons

Some parents bought diseased lollipops off the internet in hopes their children would get infected and develop immunity to chickenpox. Along with the mailing of a disease or virus being illegal, most would say it's also pretty stupid.

There are still reports of anonymous strangers looking for money to ship diseased candy to the misguided vaccine skeptics who are willing to pay them. The poor children of these brainiacs are at risk of contracting God knows what via the bodily fluids of strangers, in addition to flu and hepatitis. Didn't anyone tell these people not to take candy from strangers?!?

Let's say these people actually get what they pay for, meaning the chicken pox. Exposing your children to chickenpox without a vaccine can also lead to lethal complications. Since the chickenpox vaccine has become available, there has been a 97% drop in chicken pox deaths among those under 20.

7. Pole Dancing Classes Now Available to Children

Photo: Katielips / Creative Commons

"Little Spinners" is a pole dancing class for children under 16 at The Make Me Fabulous dance studio in Northampton, England. From the dance studio's website:

"The long awaited children's pole class is here. Learn to lift, spin, climb and fly in a safe and fun environment."

GAH! I don't know where to start! Long awaited?  Are parents really chomping at the bit to teach their children erotic dance? I'm relieved that the environment is touted as "safe and fun" -- I'll take that to mean there are no dirty old men waving dollar bills at the children. At least not at this stage in their careers.

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Tags: Kids Health